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18 Jan 2016

Dream a little dream of me


I couldn't sleep last night.
I couldn't stop thinking about my childhood and its impact on my relationships with people. I was thinking about things I want to say, things that I've never told anyone before but I'm ready to tell them to this one person if only wants to listen.

In the early morning I managed to fall asleep for a moment. I had a dream.
I was a giant, stepping on the roofs of big city buildings. Buildings that were so tall that I couldn't see the ground. I was careful not to fall down. At some point I decided to lie down on one of the roofs.
I was looking down, seeing nothing and starting to think how just one move or loosening up my muscles would end this hell that I am living in. The hell of emotions and thoughts. Slow slide off the roof and I wouldn't have to feel anymore. How wonderful would it be...

I felt relieved. I was ready to do this. Then I thought about this one person. How would that makes him feel. How much that would disappoint and upset him. How much I love him and I dont want to hurt him. It broke my heart. I couldn't move. I was just lying there. Till I woke up.